| Absent-mindedness | Strange — I don’t remember being absent minded. * |
| Acrophobia | I get low whenever I think of acrophobia. |
| Acrophobia | I have a well-grounded fear of acrophobia. |
| Agnosticism | I wonder if God can know about agnostics. |
| Agoraphobia | I fear I have an open mind about agoraphobia. * |
| Ambivalence | I can’t make up my mind about ambivalence. |
| Amnesia | Amnesia? I’ve never heard of it. |
| Anal-retentiveness | I don’t have to ask — I know there’s a hyphen in ‘anal-retentive’. |
| Anxiety | I worry a lot about anxiety. |
| Apathy | I can’t get excited about apathy. |
| Apologetic | I’m sorry I’m apologetic. |
| Atheism | Atheism is a non-prophet organization. * |
| Atheism | I wonder if God believes in atheists. |
| Bigotry | Round up all the bigots, and put them in death camps! |
| Bigotry | We should round up the bigots, and send them back where they came from. |
| Catatonia | I can sit still for catatonia. |
| Claustrophobia | Claustrophobia makes me want to come out of the closet. |
| Compulsions | I just have to think about compulsions. |
| Delirium Tremens | I’ll drink to the delirium tremens. |
| Denial | There’s nothing wrong — I’m not in denial. |
| Depression | I get so sad when I think about depression. |
| Faith | I don’t believe I can take that on faith. |
| Fantasy | There’s something unreal about fantasy. |
| Grandiose Delusions | Grandiose delusions are the greatest. |
| Guilt-Complex | I screwed up, and now I have a guilt complex. |
| Hallucinations | I keep hearing these voices telling me about hallucinations. |
| Hypochondria | I’m sick of hypochondria. |
| Hypothetical Situations | What if there were no hypothetical situations? * |
| Ignorance | I don’t know about ignorance. |
| Illiteracy | Illiteracy? I’ve never read about it. |
| Infantility | I am not infantile, you stinky-butt poop-head. * |
| Infatuation | I think I’m in love with infatuation. * |
| Insanity | I’m crazy about insanity. |
| Insomnia | I lose a lot of sleep thinking about insomnia. |
| Introversion | I try to keep my introversion to myself. |
| Irony, general | According to the Center for Incomplete Research, 3 out of 10- * |
| Mania | Mania is very exciting. |
| Manic-Depression | Manic-depression has its ups and downs. |
| Megalomania | I want to become biggest ever in megalomania. |
| Mesmerization | Mesmerization is incredibly fascinating. |
| Moderation | I believe in moderation, so long as you don’t overdo it. |
| Modesty | I’m damned proud of how modest I am. * |
| Monomania | Monomania is all I think about. |
| Multiple personality | I’m of several minds about multiple personalities. |
| Negativistism | You’re wrong! I am not negativistic! |
| Nostalgia | Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be. * |
| Obsession | I can’t stop thinking about obsession. * |
| Paranoia | Everyone’s trying to drive me paranoid. |
| Perseveration | I just can’t get perseveration out of my mind. |
| Pessimism | I think the worst of pessimism. |
| Pet Peeves | I can’t stand pet peeves. * |
| Pogrom | Let’s massacre anyone who participates in a pogrom! |
| Pyromania | Pyromania burns me up. |
| Rationalization | Why bother writing about rationalization? Nobody’ll get it, anyway. |
| Regression | Waah! I’m gonna tell my mommy you said I’m suffering from regression! |
| Repression | I don’t think about repression. |
| Rhetorical Questions | What good are rhetorical questions? |
| Schizophrenia | The voices tell me I’m not schizophrenic. |
| Suicidal Impulses | When I get suicidal impulses, I could just kill myself. |
| Superiority Complex | My superiority complex is deeper-seated than yours. |
| Xenophobia | If not for the damned foreigners, I wouldn’t be xenophobic. |
| Xenophobia | I’m not xenophobic, I just don’t like the damned foreigners. |
*contributed by friends — don’t blame me for these